This Twilight thing is getting a little out of control

13 Oct

I have sort of a morbid curiosity towards the pop cultural mammoth that is Twilight. Honestly I’m not sure why, maybe it’s my affinity for gigantic overbearing phenomenons that lead to legions of girls losing their shit for no apparent reason, but this is getting a little out of hand. I’ve seen writers I respect attacked for not thinking things linked to it aren’t the GREATESTTHINGEVER, and it’s unsettling the way they’ve manged to make it such a cash cow.

Case in point, almost every girl I know considers it a guilty pleasure, because “it’s so silly”,and they have to watch it and make fun of it. Preferably with a group of other girls, over drinks, and no men within 3 miles of the room. (This is my favorite girl excuse for liking something terrible, they seem to think it’s perfectly ok to try and pass this lie off, and that we don’t see right through it. They also do this with Gossip Girl, E!, MTV shows, the music in the Top 40 and Tyra Banks.) The hoopla even led to a  Dallas held convention, brilliantly named Twi-Con, that charged upwards of $150 dollars, so attendees could hobnob with movie star look-a-likes, and the hand model from the books. Really that’s an offensively gross money grab, that makes the Oklahoma land grab deals look quaint.
(Though  it led to a great writing day for us where we made up fake Con panels and posted them to Twitter throughout the day. My personal favorite was “So you’re a guy, and you read Twilight: Why your father can’t look you in the eye.”)

The pandemonium surrounding it has even lead to a soundtrack that many are saying has the potential to be the album of the year. Ridiculous right? Well, a glance at the track list reads like a who’s who of indie rock, seriously take a look.

01 Death Cab For Cutie – “Meet Me On The Equinox”
02 Band Of Skulls – “Friends”
03 Thom Yorke- “Hearing Damage”
04 Lykke Li – “Possibility”
05 The Killers – “A White Demon Love Song”
06 Anya Marina – “Satellite Heart”
07 Muse – “I Belong To You (New Moon Remix)”
08 Bon Iver and St. Vincent – “Rosyln”
09 Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – “Done All Wrong”
10 Hurricane Bells – “Monsters”
11 Sea Wolf – “The Violet Hour”
12 Ok Go – “Shooting The Moon”
13 Grizzly Bear (Feat. Victoria Legrand) – “Slow Life”
14 Editors – “No Sound But The Wind”
15 Alexandre Desplat – “New Moon (The Meadow)”

Heavy right? I mean Thom Yorke, Lykke Li, Grizzly Bear, Sea Wolf, Bon Iver and St. Vincent are some heavy hitters in the indie community, and The Killers, Muse and Death Cab all have massive crossover appeal. The sad part is,  it’s not half bad. Here check out a few tracks.

Thom Yorke- Hearing Damage

Bon Iver & St. Vincent- Roslyn

Grizzly Bear- Slow Life

I mean we’re not talking about anything groundbreaking here, and there’s quite a bit of filler, and most of it feels as if the bands had a sack of money tossed at them, and were told “Hey you’re fan base is going to explode, so why don’t you make us a song that describes how angry the chick from Thirteen feels about not being able to go to the prom, or some shit like that.” It’s basically the Juno soundtrack, mixed with the Batman Forever soundtrack. Inoffensive, and perfectly calculated to separate fools from their money.
(Side note: That Anya Marina track is going to usurp Plain White T’s “Hey There Delilah” “most terrible youtube videos soundtracked to” tittle.)

The worst part about things like Twilight is that it inevitably leads to shit like this.

Which makes me feel that the satire of the Josey and The Pussycats movie was dead on, you were told to ZOMGLOVETWILIGHT&RPATT, and dammit you’re going to do it harder , and better than any other girl out there, because you may be the lucky one he chooses to be with. Of course what you don’t realize is that the people who made that video are snorting coke with the dollars you dropped to pick up the DVD.

All of that for a morality tale written by a Mormon chick, that reads like a lite-goth Sweet Valley High novel mixed with a little Emily Post, the music of Poe, and a Anti-Abortion pamphlet. Sickening, and I can’t wait for 5 years from now when everyone realizes the foolishness of it all, and Twilight becomes a cultural footnote like Hanson, and the Backstreet Boys.

(Note: I’ve never read the books, I tend to avoid shallow teen-angst heavy books that are aimed at foolish girls, but from what I gather from friends, my comments aren’t nearly harsh enough.)

One Response to “This Twilight thing is getting a little out of control”

  1. Sean King October 13, 2009 at 12:34 pm #

    I love how one of the “possibly related posts” is “vent:fuckingggggg white girls :@”

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