A blast from the past

27 Aug

Way back when (about a year ago) I was doing soem writing/podcasting for a sports site that allowed me to discover some rather interesting music, and by interesting i mean terrible. Anyway here’s a reprint of something I wrote for them concering the rap career of a certain NBA point gaurd.

Be wary of youtube: Tony Parker rap videos a quick review

June 30, 2008 by jfalcon

Athletes and music go together like, uhm well they don’t really go together, fans of sports stars are always forced to hear about their favorite players ill advised forays into the sonic world, from Bronson Arroyo’s cover album of mid 90’s alt rock radio jams, to Bernie Williams putting out a Latin jazz album we the fan have suffered. Yet nothing put out by out of touch baseball players could come close to the travesty that is basketball players rapping. Yes from K.O.B.E. to Jewelz and back around to Shaq-Fu basketball players have been torturing us with not so witty lyrics like we’re a collective group of Iranian business men who stumbled into the 9/11 memorial celebration. But my friends nothing is quite as bad as a certain French point guards forays into French Dance Rap. I now give you Tony Parker rapping.

Tony Parker feat Soprano & Don Choa-Les Clefs de la Réussite
Now my French is a little off but I’m pretty sure Tony wants you to bounce like a basketball. Also notice the co opting of American rap video staples here, he has the club scene ala 50 Cent, A kid doing his hook ala Jay-Z, his current boo doing her best acting ever ala Beyonce in any Jay-z video, and a bouncing basketball to show you the obviousness of a Scorsase flick. Let’s see some more Tony P.

Tony Parker feat Rickwel – Premier Love
You got to love the sad introspective “I need love” rap video, a staple for those thugs who want to show that they have a softer side, but Tony P. was banging Eve Longoria during this time, so I ask where the fuck does he get off making a sappy “I need love” song or video? Get the fuck over yourself buddy.

Tony Parker- Spurs Celebration freestyle
Ah the Victory celebration rap, Shaq made this an art form in L.A. with his slow paced “YEAHHHHH” ridden raps. Well after winning a title Mr Tony P. had his shot at the celebration rap golden ring. Sadly he seems to forget that he’s in San Antonio, and gives us a biting rap in French, which no one but him understands. Also notice Brent Barry, and some random white guy doing their best Mark Madsen impressions. Don’t worry folks there’s nowhere to go but down from here.

Tony Parker – Clip Balance Toi
tony parker feat fabolous and booba: \”top of the game\”
This is what being a finals MVP gets you a chance to put food on Fabolous’ posse’s table, a video game cover, and the worst laying the track video of all time.

So what have we learned? I don’t know about you guys, but I learned that Tony P makes Snow look hard.

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